1. Hey Retta,

    During my drive home from my sister’s birthday gathering last night, I had to pull over and meditate on my frustration about the Kings failing it up on the ice against San Jose in Game 4.

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    (Jim Carey reenacts my overreacting in the San Fernando Valley.)

    I thought, “Chanelle, what are you doing? IT’S A GAME,” and then I stayed parked for about five more minutes, thinking about every ridiculous choice in my life up to that point and craving ice cream.

    The ice cream doesn’t have anything to do with anything. I just get a sweet tooth at night sometimes. 

    ANYWAY. The Kings have lost twice in a row, and I was real annoyed by last night’s loss in particular, but that’s not why I’m here today. I’m here because the Kings have the latest installment in people complaining about the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs officiating.

    It’s become kind of a recurring theme. I figured you might want to know a little bit about what the gripes are for various teams and fans. 

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    Hey Retta, 

    Full disclosure: I was born in Chicago and saw plenty of games during both of the Bulls 1990s “three-peat” runs before my family moved to LA, so to see winningest retired (for now) NBA coach Phil Jackson tuning in for the LA Kings playoff series Saturday night and having opinions was crazy for me.

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    I probably shouldn’t be surprised when well-known people I recognize also pay attention to my favorite hockey team — a) this is LA and I’m used to celebrities living in the same world that I do, considering b) the entire foundation upon which this blog is built — BUT I AM.

    It’s not even that recognizable folks know Kings hockey exists that surprises me. It’s that a number of them get just as invested as I do. I mean, check out your boy Colin Hanks’ vine during game 3.

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    We were both at parties, trying to be social but also being obsessive. That that’s hockey fan life. 

    What I’m saying is, as you fall down this Kings hockey rabbit hole, do know you’re definitely in good company. 

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  3. Hey Retta, 

    The LA Kings are in San Jose Sharks territory for the next two games, and the Sharks are out for revenge after having Game 2 stolen from them. They were horrifically robbed on Thursday night, I can’t lie. The Kings scored two goals within 22 seconds to take away the Sharks’ 3-2 lead and win the game 4-3. 

    First, Captain “Toothless” Dustin Brown (#23) capitalizes on a Mike Richards (#10) shot to tie it up.

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    Next, rookie Tyler Toffoli (#73) holds off a Sharks player to get a quality shot on goal and Trevor Lewis (#22) swipes the rebound into the open net.

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    This was amazing for Kings fans like myself. (I threw up my arms in the middle of a birthday party at an LA bar and cheered with each goal called on Twitter.) It was brutal for Sharks fans, because both of those goals were made possible thanks to late power play time, including a 5-on-3 situation after San Jose broke what a lot of hockey fans consider one of the dumbest rules in the sport. Sharks player Marc-Edouard Vlasic took a delay-of-game minor penalty for deflecting the puck over the glass in the defensive zone. 

    There a few really stupid penalties that fans hate. Let’s take a look at three now, including Thursday night’s game-changer.

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    Hey Retta,

    I was so happy to see that you tuned into part of the game last night. 1) It was a great effort by the Kings, considering San Jose was unstoppable during their first round series, and 2) the descent into overwhelming fan excitement is my favorite thing to watch, and it’s great that you’ve taken to the Kings. Excuse me while I hold my hand to my chest and joyfully boohoo.

    Though, I realized that if you only got to see the 3rd period, then you missed my favorite play of the night — the Kings’ first goal from Slava Voynov (#26).

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    MMPH.

    I need a moment.

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  5. Sometimes when I day drink, I start talking about hockey and then shout “HEY, WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR ME?” at people I’ve just met. This is what happened with Abby, a neuroscientist I met a couple hours before Game 3. She lives in the San Diego area and cheers for the Kings over the Ducks, so I trust her knowledge.

    At one point we started talking about brain injuries. Being a smart, fancy scientist, Abby actually has more to add to the conversation than “So, brain damage, am I right???” and “Memento” references, my go-tos.

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    Since concussions are a recurring thing in hockeyMike Richards (#10) missed 8 games because of a concussion just last season —  and other major sports and the focus of some major lawsuits, I asked (shouted at) Abby to break down those brain problems a little bit. 

    Find Abby here: @Threonine12. Read about the possible effect of head injury: below. Wear helmets: everywhere apparently.

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    Hey Retta!

    I heard you attended your first hockey game, which is clearly a victory for both you and hockey! I think you’re ready for Hockey Fan 201: The Advanced Course.

    You may have noticed while watching hockey that sometimes things (pucks, sticks, walls, other human beings) come in contact with hockey players’ heads very, very hard. Perhaps you thought to yourself, “Ouch” or “Shit” or “Fuck you, leave Rob Scuderi alone! He is indispensable.”

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    (Taking hits to draw key penalties for the Kings isn’t entirely Scuderi’s job, but…)

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  6. Hey Retta, 

    Since the LA Kings successfully eliminated the Blues, round two tickets start selling today! A lot of fans were hoping for the first-ever “Freeway Face-Off" Stanley Cup Playoffs series, but the Anaheim Ducks crapped the bed and let the Detroit Red Wings knock them out of the playoffs last night. 

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    Now the Kings have to face the San Jose Sharks. Kings fans are kind of worried, because when LA and San Jose last met in the 2011 playoffs, the Sharks beat the Kings. Their captain Joe Thornton rubbed it in by sliding all around the ice like a kid in a candy store.

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    Ugh, is there anything worse than a grown-ass 31-year-old (at the time), 6’4” man dragging salt all up and down your fresh playoffs wounds? 

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    The Sharks are also playing pretty close to top of their game right now, including sweeping the Vancouver Canucks to take round 1. The Kings and Sharks split the regular season, but the Kings will really have to come out strong to keep control of this series. Luckily everyone’s finding their playoff groove, including Kings defensemen. 

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  7. Hey Retta, 

    Tonight is game 6 of the Kings vs Blues playoff series, and the Kings have an opportunity to eliminate the Blues for the second season in a row. After letting the St. Louis Blues plunge them into a 0-2 hole at the start of the series, the Kings are now leading 3-2. 

    To quote you, that is just —

    Fortunately, game 6 is happening at Staples Center. The Kings will have the support of 18,000+ fans and — just as important — their mascot Bailey the Lion keeping everyone hyped up. 

    Recently, the Kings franchise released this Stanley Cup Moments video about Bailey’s integral role. Bailey’s the best mascot in the NHL (BIAS ALERT), and not just because he has famous friends. 

    Why is Bieber wearing a Blackhawks hat at the Kings’ game? They weren’t even playing the Hawks. 

    Flirting with T. Swift. I hope she writes a song about Bailey! 

    Here’s Bailey with notorious LA Kings fan Matthew Perry during game 3 of the Kings vs Blues series. The Kings are undefeated when Matt Perry makes out with the lion in a Staples Center suite.

    So, a huge game tonight, and I trust that Bailey will keep the place loud. 

    FINISH THIS.

     
  8. What happens when you’re a fan out loud

    I’ve reached the mountain top (!!!) and Retta has seen an LA Kings game at Staples Center, but it turns out I have more posts I want to make. I’m planning to continue this blog at least through the Kings playoff run, however long that turns out to be. Before I keep it rolling, I wanted to shout out people & blogs who’ve shown me some love so far. 

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    In the words of Drake: started from the bottom, now we’re here —

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  9. chanelleberlin:

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    Retta made it to Game 4 of the Kings vs Blues series tonight, and I was there too! KINGS WON 4-3, tied the series, and Retta and I bonded over the stress of hoping your team gets just one more goal. Amazing night!

    Hey Retta,

    It was wonderful to meet you and talk Kings hockey last night. You’re such a gracious lady! 

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    Now that you’ve witnessed the craziness of LA’s game in person, truly falling for the team, I want to help keep that fire burning. The Kings still need to win this series! Battling to tie it up 2-2 means they’ve still got a chance at moving forward in the playoffs. 

    Let’s recap last night for folks who couldn’t make it, shall we?

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    Hey Retta,

    I’m glad you’re getting a chance to make it to a game! Playoffs are crazy! LA lost their first two games in St. Louis but they began a comeback last night, thanks in large part to goalie Jonathan Quick (#32) doing what he does best.

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    Get it, Quickie! 

    Defenseman Slava Voynov (#26) scored the only goal of the game during an intense goal pile-up:

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    That goal was tallied during the second period. The Kings were able to hold off the Blues through the third and earned a 1-0 shutout victory

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    Monday night’s challenge is to win another game and tie up the series, giving the Kings a fighting chance at eliminating the Blues and continuing to the next round.

    Fingers crossed! Hopefully you’re good luck. 

    Now, here are few other, bonus things you need to know for tomorrow…

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